| I don't give up on people. That's just how I work... And so far, it has gotten me a lot farther in life than getting into stupid arguments over trivial things and suddenly just writing someone off. That is my random thought of the day.
It is a new year. I am excited to see what this brings. |
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| The last year has been quite a year. It has not been until lately that I have felt brave enough to coming anywhere near to examining what has gone on in life... In fact, I cant think of any reason that I am taking the time to write this... and especially in a place where anyone can see it. I supose some of it has to do with the fact that no one uses xanga anymore, to my knowledge. It kind of reminds me of way back in the day when I was cool for being the weird kid with an online journal and my username was still radicalradishes. Haha. Regardless, if you do read this, please leave me a comment and let me know. So anyway, the last year... I can only think of one word that can actually describe it. Well, actually a few.. one being intoxicated, another apathetic, but mainly the only word I can think of is addiction. Addiction is a bitch. The last year has been a time of searching for me... who I used to be, and who I have become and somehow trying to somehow annex the two together. It has been a year full of new experiences, yet full of regrets; full of new friendships, yet full of lonliness; full of everything I could possibly want; yet full of nothing at all. I credit a lot of this to me completely shutting God out of my life for the better part of all this time... But there were definitely other factors. I gained everything I thought I wanted yet lost what I did not know that I had. I lost respect and trust... Two things that I have learned possess great value in the real world. I did everything I always told myself I would never do. I fucked up my life so bad that, in my eyes, things shouldnt have been able to start over.. But here is the deal... They did, even though, at times, I had no desire for things to start over, or continue at all. Although mistakes that were made haunt me most days, I learned more than I ever thought possible. In a few short months, I feel like everything innocent vanished about me. I was forced out of a bubble and into the real world, and here is what I learned... Shit happens. People make mistakes. People screw up their lives and other people's lives, and not always intentionally. I dont regret anything. There are parts of an innocent life that I sometimes still wish I possessed, but I still dont regret it. Life has a funny way of teaching you things, and God has a funny way of working, and even though I am fighting an uphill battle that seems to be three steps forward and not one, but two backward, I am living... and in the midst I am learing something new everyday. I have rediscovered the beauty in life in so many ways... And while I never wish that anyone would have to go through such an experience to come to this conclusion, I have been taught that there is still life... There is still hope. There is rescue. |
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| If I had the chance to go back and do it all again, would I? It has been a journey. |
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| I would probably suprise you with the majority of my decisions. |
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| This just in...
1. I go to OU now
2. I have an apartment.
3. OU football players live in the apartment next to me
4. Come visit me.
5. OU is AMAZING! |
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